I was raised to think premarital sex was “bad”…recovering Catholic. I didn’t abide by that prescribed and archaic philosophy, though doing so would have saved me more than penance a few times. As a divorcée, I wonder about the philosophy of post-marital sex?
Now, I’m not devoid of sensual intrigue and physical impulses, but my desires and needs are very different from that of a woman in her 30s: I’m not looking for the father of my children. Any man that I keep around is one that I wholeheartedly appreciate and want to listen to, laugh with, love on, sit in stillness next to, and genuinely do things for because I like him and want him around. And yes, he has to offer something to my life that makes it more vibrant and interesting. He must make me feel like the woman I am—he must SEE me and appreciate me. I already know who I am and what I bring to a relationship, and that should be reflected in his behavior and how he looks at me. He doesn’t need me, and I don’t need him, but we want each other.
And that’s rich.
It’s rich like the creamy froth of your late-morning latte after 4 hours of rest and a panged drive back from His house. It’s filled with the salty taste of post-coital intimacy after a takeout night coupled with luxurious wine. It’s enveloped in the warm and musty scent of two bodies appreciating each other for hours, forgetting about headaches and heartaches and the ache of tomorrow night’s empty bed.
That’s rich.
Post-marital sex can be as disappointing as the labored and prescriptive intimacy of common bedfellows; the same infrequency of opportunity…the pent-up hunger…the uncertainty of an Expiration Date…Add the unforeseen disappointment of misalignment and misgivings…yet, we go there, filled with desperate optimism.
Why? Because we need. We need to be touched and felt, tasted and savored, seen and wanted, and sometimes, well, oftentimes, spent.
So, we go there.
That’s rich because of the cost.
There’s always a cost.
And the more years we’ve collected, the greater our bank account. At 51, now I wonder, how much do I have to invest?
Now I’m home, alone and missing the person I’d rather be with who has his own divorcée crosses to bear, weighing him down with indecision and fear. Or it could be that classic "He's just not that into you" situation. Regardless, his portfolio is divested beyond my measure, but he knows I’m good for both a loan and a long-term strategy.
And that’s rich…knowing you have without keeping…a borrowing or bartering of sorts. Time for time, satiation for satiation, appreciation for appreciation, but at some point, does that become depreciation? I know what draws us back to each other, but he’s, again, new at this.
Good for him that I have a decent bank account and highly liquid assets…for now.
The market can turn on a dime, and I could find my interest much more inclined to invest elsewhere. It's something I consider, yet I continue to invest...for now.
Cheers to the Bull. The cost: Time.
